I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize