and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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