so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
