Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
