You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
