I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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