Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
