rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
