I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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