you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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