i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
