Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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