Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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