Is it normal to miss your booty call?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
