we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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