It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
