my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
