I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
