I CAN MOONWALK!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
