God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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