All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
