I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
