Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
