it hurts more in the daytime
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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