I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
