I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
