I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
