So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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