What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
