I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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