my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
