I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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