I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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