I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
