I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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