Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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