I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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