if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
