An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
