my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
