Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
