I want to walk on stilts...naked
Someone shit on the floor
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize