The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
