all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
