Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize