when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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