Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
