Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
