It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is Oprah even human
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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