My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
