my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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