I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
