The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize