Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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