my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
