oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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