i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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