The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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