Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
