Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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