i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
