Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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