i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
