Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
